Certainty
by Auriella
Summary: She did admire him in one way, though. He was certain of himself, of everyone around him; he practically embodied the idea of being totally and unfailingly knowledgeable. Hollyleaf was certain of nothing anymore..." Oneshot, slightly HollyxSol.


**AN/ Hey there! I'm back after a long hiatus. Here's a little HollyxSol-ish oneshot taking place shortly after Sunrise. Read, enjoy, and hopefully review ^^  
**

_**Certainty**_

a oneshot by auriella

Rain plodded drearily onto the ground, turning the soil to mud as Hollyleaf's paws sunk into it. Her tail drooped on the ground behind her as she trudged on, going nowhere in particular. There was nowhere _to_ go. Back to ThunderClan? Sure, if she wanted to be hated for breaking the fragile illusion of peace and certainty within the Clan that the lie about her parentage had ensured.

She didn't belong in the Clan anyways. She was an abomination, an insult, a murderer. She had no place among the Clan cats anymore.

Thunder rumbled far-off in the distance, but the mud-streaked she-cat paid no heed to it. It didn't threaten her—after all, it was the storm that had softened the ground enough to enable her escape from the caved-in tunnels. Not that that seemed like a particular blessing at the moment; what was the point of living if you had nothing left to live for? If your very existence shattered the only thing left to believe in, that gave you direction in your life? Hollyleaf had nothing to believe in anymore, nothing to shine a ray of certainty into her shadowed life. The only thing she could possibly be certain of now was that she had no future. She'd have to settle for being a rogue. She'd probably be ripped apart by dogs or other loners within a moon, but she couldn't bring herself to care. To die would be a blessing.

_But where will I go?_ The nagging question eventually crossed Hollyleaf's mind, shouting out above the blend of muddled and melancholy thoughts that filled her head. She couldn't stay near the Clans—she'd certainly be found by some Clan cat sooner or later. The perilous Twolegplace that her patrol had retrieved Sol from was definitely out as well. Dogs, monsters, the sun-drown-place…she repressed a shudder at the thought of living there. If she was sentenced to a life of solitude, then she'd prefer to live somewhere she didn't have to worry about her survival whenever she set foot into the open. Plus, what if Sol had returned there after she and her brothers rejected him?

_Sol._ She shuddered as she thought of the enigmatic tom. He had seemed so fascinated with her and her brothers—no, fascinated with their power. Her brothers' powers, anyway. Hollyleaf had nothing to distinguish herself other than the fact she was now an outcast. She had no powers, nothing left to call her own. If Sol ever did come back, she knew he'd have no interest in her. Hollyleaf felt a prick of relief at the thought. The last thing she needed now was to be further confused by his questions, inquiries that she knew had further meaning hidden below the surface of Sol's cool demeanor.

She did admire him in one way, though. He was certain of himself, of everyone around him; he practically embodied the idea of being totally and unfailingly knowledgeable. Hollyleaf was certain of nothing: where she would go, if anyone even cared that she was supposedly dead, even who she was anymore. She didn't know if she'd survive the night, or if StarClan would welcome her if she didn't. She didn't see how they could.

Hollyleaf suddenly found herself wishing for Sol's presence. Maybe he could help her, use his powerful influence to give her some certainty and direction in her life—if he deemed her worth helping. Sure, it was a longshot to think he'd help more than he'd hinder her, but what else was there left to hope for?

-----

Sleep eventually found Hollyleaf that night, creeping upon her as she was curled up among a bed of drenched ferns. She dreamed of nothing in particular and slept very lightly; she had to drag herself up onto her paws, not wanting to face the dreary journey to nowhere that awaited her.

The storm had cleared over the night, but clouded puddles still pooled among the soft, pliant ground. A thin layer of leaves had been blown onto the ground, crunching weakly under Hollyleaf's paws as she staggered away from her makeshift nest. _Here we go, _she thought as she turned to take one last look at the Clans' territory. Mingled emotions struck her then: relief that no one could glare at her for the circumstances of her birth, sadness that she could never go home or see her brothers again, and fear that she might be searching for a new home forever.

"Goodbye," she whispered, her green eyes wavering with indecision and doubt. What if she was doing the exact wrong thing? Would she simply be wandering until dogs, foxes, even karma brought about her end? _I don't know what to do. I don't know anything anymore…_

"Hello, Hollyleaf."

Hollyleaf jumped at the sound of the achingly familiar voice, deep and assured. She whirled around to meet a pair of amber eyes, glinting with a look reminiscent of a hunter who had stumbled upon particularly easy-to-catch prey. She figured that she should be alarmed, even enraged, but she couldn't bring herself to feel anything but relief.

"Sol…what're you doing here?" she gasped, but the she-cat somehow knew exactly why the tom was there. He knew she needed him. He always knew.

Sol studied her for a moment, the same pleasant look fixed upon his face. "That was quite the show back at the Gathering. Why aren't you home, though? You'd think your Clan would be happy that you were brave enough to tell them the truth." Hollyleaf jumped again.

"You were at the Gathering?" she hissed in surprise, trying to ignore the painfully subtle sarcasm that coated his last few words. Sol ignored her. The answer was obvious anyway, going by the way he was acting.

"They didn't react well, did they?" he asked, somehow exuding sympathy as he tilted his head to the side. He went on, not waiting for an answer. "Pity you decided to run away. You could've _made _them be grateful, whether you have powers or not." Bitterness struck Hollyleaf at his words. He'd figured out the truth before she had, even though it had always been obvious. But she was nothing; so why was he talking as if she had any power left?

"There's nothing I could've done," she said as her voice shook, "there's nothing left to do now but leave." Sol's eyes narrowed at her words.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know. Anywhere."

Sol seemed dissatisfied, a brief flare of impatience flashing in his eyes. "You don't need to run away like a coward. There's nothing you can't do, Hollyleaf, as long as you have a little help." His voice was strong and indulgent, and Hollyleaf felt herself longing to listen to what he said.

"What can I do?" she asked, her dull eyes beginning to light up with a hollow sort of hope.

"What do you _want_ to do?"

"I…I want to make the Clans sorry. I want to make _them_ sorry," she murmured, taking note of how Sol dipped his head to acknowledge that he knew exactly who _they_ were. Leafpool, Crowfeather, Squirrelflight…all traitors. All enemies.

"And you can. Hollyleaf, you killed a traitor and revealed the truth to every Clan cat. You don't need StarClan's prophecies to have true power." Sol's voice grew more urgent with every word, his eyes lighting up with energy. Hollyleaf blinked and felt some semblance of self-worth for a moment, beginning to return Sol's eager gaze. However, a flicker of doubt still plagued her.

"But everyone will be against me," she argued half-heartedly. "What can one cat do?"

"You'd be surprised, little one. However, what one cat could do, two cats could do even better." His eyes glimmered and pulled Hollyleaf in, certainty and hope budding in her heart for what seemed like the first time in moons.

"You'd help me?" she asked, trying desperately to decipher his words. Any miscalculation would break her, crush what little hope had erupted in that moment.

"Only if you help me. We've done great things individually, Hollyleaf. Just think of what we could accomplish together…" His voice dipped down into a soothing, persuasive tone, a powerful technique definitely not alien to Hollyleaf. However, this time, she didn't resist—nor did she want to.

As she crossed the ground between them in a few quick bounds, everything in her world seemed to set into place: purpose, motivation, revenge. She knew what she had to do—she would know everything now that she had Sol to help her.

She was certain of her direction now, and by StarClan she was going to follow it.


End file.
